Don’t we all love to talk about it? I know someone is going to say no, well, let me speak for myself. I do love to talk about it. I'm pretty sure you have had a conversation about sex too before. My perception of sex has not always been what it is now, which is the Biblical context. Sex within covenant. I am so grateful for this realization. Like I said my mindset was not always like this.
Let’s reel it back a little bit. I didn't have so many comprehensive conversations about sex growing up. All I knew was that I was not supposed to indulge mainly because the Bible said so. And then, there were other scary outcomes like unwanted pregnancies and of course the mother of it, all Sexually Transmitted Diseases like HIV/AIDS. I can’t lie I was exposed to a lot of sexual things growing up. That’s a whole other story for another day but due to the reasons I have mentioned above, I decided to wait.
However, this wait was not entirely pure, my intentions for waiting were not particularly biblically aligned. So in the relationships I got involved in, everything else would happen during these encounters except the actual deed. Let me put it plainly, when I started dating the only thing that was keeping me from sex was the fact that I was a virgin and I did not know what to expect.
I don’t know what kind of dumb resistance I was building up to or rather the slow and steady fall. So, when I decided to go all the way, I did for all the wrong reasons. I was finally out of school so even if I got pregnant, it would not be so terrible. I was with the person I thought could “cover” me and also from the time I started dating, my intention was always to marry the person I gave a chance to. Even though I did not state my end goal upfront, very dumb. This was my first major sex mistake. We can talk standards another day.
As a little girl, I got to see the very best of what great companionship could do to two souls, my grandparents. I truly and unapologetically grew up wanting that. I wanted it with every dating choice I made. However, I never really understood what such a life long companionship entailed.
I was not fully educated about it let alone the pros and cons of sex from a biblical standpoint. All I knew was it was wrong, just like telling lies, stealing etc. And my body craved it.
So, I started having sex and boy oh boy was it everything I imagined it would and so much more. I mean what else did I expect, God created it and everything He created is good or might I add magnificent. Amidst the heated passion, an inkling of guilt started to build inside of me and that was when things started to go south or rather interesting.
I was not using this gift the way it was intended to be used. I was putting a created thing ahead of the Creator! The intention for sex according to the bible is to create a spiritual, physical and emotional bond between a married couple, procreate and of course for enjoyment and pleasure duhh??!!!
Side Note: Let’s not pretend like Christian couples are out here having the most boring sex. Yes of course there are cases, but there are always exceptions. I’m going to be in that exception percentage so help me God. Drink some water and click the like button if you are the exception! Eyyyyy!!!
Anyway, here I was outside the covenant and just abundantly getting my freak on and sometimes calling God’s name during heated sessions and absolutely never allowing myself a moment to let the Spirit of God convict me fully. Did I say I used to call His name sometimes? Oh well! The conviction was definitely always there but I would create so much noise within me to avoid hearing the voice of God regarding that. And I think He let me get the taste of my shortcoming…pun intended. This might sound like I'm proud of my mistakes, I am not. I have repented and I have no time or energy to self condemn.
But then, He never really let me stop hearing about it. Every time I would open my YouTube account, there would be sermons about sex. I started hearing it even more when I would go to church or fellowship. Please note that I was still an active Christian while doing this, just one living in sexual sin. Then I listened to Pastor Mike Todd’s sermons about Relationship goals, particularly, the Sex Container sermon and things drastically changed. My eyes were open to the actual WHY I was supposed to wait to have sex until I was married. It took me a year and a half to actually stop but yeah the seed had been sowed and the Holy Spirit began to water it. Yeah it did not happen overnight for me.
Why stop? First of all, all sex is to an unmarried person is an intense seductive pull that blinds and binds you from actually getting to know the person you are courting or rather dating. Now someone here might say I really don’t have to marry everyone I sleep with. Sometimes the sex is a just a means to an end. Well that’s the devil’s lie and you know it. It always ends up in unwanted attachments. The moment you have sex with the person, you are subjective, not objective. This is because you have involuntarily forced yourself to be bound to this person spiritually and emotionally. As much as you try, you can’t help but think this person is going to be the very best for you which most times it’s not it.
Might I add that sexual immorality makes you arrogant enough to think that you can live this life peacefully outside the Will of God?! Well if that's not dumb I don't know what is. I have been dumb, very dumb. Random thought!
Then there is thing we have glorified in our generation called casual sex/booty call/one-night stands that turn into two-night stands and then toxic situation-ships. I am not judging but if half the world thinks this is okay then I am ready to be on the opposite side of this.
Not because I like being right, who am I kidding I do but this time I want the person reading this to know that your flesh is a monster. If you keep feeding that monster, its going to grow and ravage you and the next generation.
Anyway, back to my predicament, like I said, it took about a year and a half to give up physical sex. Yeah, my process was quite extensive. And yes, it's very possible to have sex in your mind and I know that’s equally sinful. The Bible in Matthew 5:28 says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
I don’t want to seem like I’m telling you what to do with your life. I know abstaining is not easy at all, trust me I know. Ovulation time, period time, after the period is the absolute ghetto. Guys always say they have it worse, wait they do, it’s every morning. Sigh!
But at the same time, me knowing what sexual immorality can do to you and keeping quiet about it is like this analogy perfectly explained by China Mcclain.
To Be Continued...
As always, I am happy to share my thoughts and will be glad if you like and leave a comment below. Love y'all. Until next time. Stay Fine and Pure!