Lessons from the DFWP II

Lynn Amanyire
  Mar. 9, 2023

He also said another thing that tickled me, he said that he has made it a habit to buy his wife of 20 years (What a blessing first of all!) an excellent gift(s), flowers etc every time he is not HAPPY with her. Whattttt????!!!!!😮 I can tell you this much, for most of us when we are angry, buying our significant other a gift is the furthest thing from our minds. But that is what conforming looks like!

Jesus exchanged our lives for His on the cross even when we did not deserve it. The Bible says Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church- What did Christ do- He gave us something we don’t deserve- eternal life in Him. Please tell me you see that Pastor Nuel is extending himself in his marriage the very same way. He is allowing God to use him to illustrate how marriage should be done.

Now ladies, I’m sure you are wondering where the clones and photocopies of Pastor Nuel are so that you could get you some of that but the question is; are you conforming too? Are you able to hear the voice of God and heed the instructions He is giving you through the Word, through the testimonies of others, through teachings of your spiritual leaders. God’s love language is obedience. If you have issues with obedience, you may not be able to hear Him!

The Lord provides where He takes you 
This, I can’t explain personally but I have watched so many guests on the podcast who describe a move initiated by God and they without any savings or certain source of income have moved by faith and God has provided in the space where He has led them. Obviously, it is imperative that the voice you are hearing is definitely God's which means you have heard Him before or have made it a habit to hear from Him.

Some of these moves have led individuals to a place where they met their significant other or even started to do work that thrust them into their purpose journey which of course then lead to financial freedom. Almost similar to the Abram story. Go into the land that I will show you, the Lord told him. To a land I will show you and I will make you a great nation I will bless you. And make your name great; And you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you. And I will curse him who curses you; And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” Long story short Abram to came to be Abraham the Father of believers.

He became what he did because he obeyed and believed God and His promises. He was awarded righteousness because of his incredible faith- faith backed with the action to go and so many other instructions thereafter.
Leaving comfort behind can be so daunting, scary and a road full of uncertainties but with God you can be rest assured that purpose follows where He takes you. So, do it scared, test the Lord and see what He can do!  

It won’t take long for your person to recognize who you are!
I think this is the part where I tell the most significant thing I have realized on the podcast. You know how the scripture says, they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. Every time I watch an episode, I leave with vision of how my marital relationship is going to be. Why you might ask? People’s lives are different. Obviously, I get that but the incredible things God does in the lives of other believers give us a preview of what God can do in ours.

One of the most consistent things I have witnessed on this podcast is that once God has ordained two people for each other, it does not take long for them to know and go ahead with faith. Most of the men on the podcast usually share that they knew within the first six months of courtship that the lady they were pursuing was their wife and this was confirmed through prayer, their close circles, family, through visions or dreams.

I believe this is the same thing that is going to happen for me. It won’t take long for me to recognize the man God has ordained for me and vice versa. I am a thousand percent convinced that there is a speed and clarity that comes with God’s plans for our lives. He gives us peace about our decisions and causes for us to move fast into what He has prepared for us. 

Heartbreak is real
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12. The New Living Translation says a dream fulfilled is the tree of life. Heartbreak is such a hard thing for me to talk about not because I don’t have the right words to say but rather I really don’t know if I have experienced heartbreak the way other people describe it.

The Holy Spirit reminded me of this scripture because I think He wanted to draw my attention to how it must feel to do self-work and allow God to change so much in you and then meet a person who you think is a great fit, pray about it, hear confirmation from God only to end up with heartbreak. That’s the pain I felt watching the very first DFWP episode of 2023.

I watched it alone and from beginning to the end, my head was hot, I had snort in my nose, my eyes were watering, earlobes hot oh man😭 I just wanted to reach through the screen and hug the man. I personally have had times when I am so disturbed that in tears I look and say, “Heaven I need a hug today now!”

When Laterras described his heartbreak on the podcast, I knew for sure I had never experienced anything like that. I watched it again with a friend and she told me she has for sure felt those feelings of helplessness before. Helplessness, anger, confusion especially when you know you have done courtship the God way can be the most unnerving feelings to have. We sobbed as he sobbed in the episode but the most heart-breaking thing for me was the prayer he made at the end.

I know I have made a similar for something completely different. It is the kind of prayer you make when you know that no human being, no material thing, absolutely nothing can mend your heart the way God can, put it back together and make you whole again.

So yeah, heartbreak is very real and it can happen to us even when seem to have done everything right, we are more in control of how we treat others not how they treat us. The good news is that, Jesus heals all diseases even heart ones. You can be whole again. The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.


Church is like a hospital; some people are not responding to treatment.
I feel like this should have come before heartbreak but I think it explains why heartbreaks and disappointments happen and more so in church which we tend to find so surprising. I think the shock it comes with is that you’d expect that someone in church is allowing themselves to be conformed to the image of Christ and embracing mind renewal that is brought about by the presence of the Holy Spirit and therefore becoming a more honest, forthcoming, beautiful on the inside, kind and everything else that we EXPECT believers to be.

But then again, that is all it is - expectations. Just because you expect me to be a certain way does not mean that’s the reality. But also, just because I am not patient or kind today does not mean I can’t be kind and patient 6 months from now. At the end of the day, as mentioned before, we are not the ones to change people but rather the Holy Spirit and their willingness to become that which they desire. So, choose fruit, not the potential of it! 

How a woman shoots her shot !😆
Men Pursue, Women Present!!! Let's just start with that!  I am such an old fashioned girl when it comes to relationships, at least, the whole pursuit thing. I would not be caught dead shooting my shot or being direct with a guy. For example, “Hey, I think you’re great looking and we have some shared values. Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?” Huhhhhh??? I’d rather go to Mukono on foot.

I personally think women should not do this but just because I think this way does not mean that women in the past and currently have not shot their shots like this and ended up living their best marital lives. Good for them, I just couldn’t do it. For ladies who share my sentiments on this , there is a way to present/avail yourself as a woman that would indicate to a guy that you’re interested.

I like how Laterras puts it- Show interest in the things they are passionate about by either sharing what is intrigues you about their work or just the impact you think their work is having on the community. Unlike directly shooting your shot, this is a more meek and tactful way to show interest in a guy rather than going ahead and asking him out which is really their job not yours- again my opinion.

I feel like there are certain things as women we should not do because they set a weird precedence for a relationship. I’m not saying that there are no exceptions and men who take the leadership role from here on out seriously don’t exist but it’s just something to think about if you are the kind of woman who like a man to take charge. Just a little food for thought.

Men’s love language is respect!
For every earthly relationship, there is a heavenly relationship that mirrors it. In this case, marriage is the relationship that God uses to illustrate how Christ (the husband) loves the Church (the wife). And God’s expectation for husbands - Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 

I know this is a long text but I just want to focus on the word LOVE. When I think of love, I think of Christ on the cross and how we conform to the image of Christ is becoming more loving like HIM. The description of Love in 1 Corinthians 13 starts with Love is patient, Love is kind. Every other word used to describe love after these two is an elaboration of kindness and patience.

Kindness affects how we deal with people (it’s how we extend love to those around us), Patience on the other hand deals with what people throw at us. In other words, when your workmate for example is rude towards you during a conversation, you can extend grace and love towards them by being patient and responding when you are both in a cooler headspace. Kindness is asking them if there is an underlying issue behind their anger and actually listening to them and doing something about it. That is going above and beyond what you are supposed to do. That is kindness!

So back from that commercial break of explaining what love looks like in the eyes of God. When scripture instructs husbands to love their wives, basically the instruction is- “husbands - patient and kind your wives.” The goal is for husbands to sacrificially love their wives so much even unto death like Christ that the church (wives) would have no option but to submit (and obey) their husbands.

In today’s society this sounds extreme but, in the kingdom, this is the expectation. That wives, knowing that their husbands have their best interests at heart and are willing to sacrifice anything necessary for them would then submit their goals and plans to the leadership in their homes and obey the head of the household.

That’s all I had for you today, I would like to really encourage you to go listen to the sermon I have been referring to a lot in this article by Pastor Nuel Manufor here and of course, head to the Dear Future Wifey Podcast on YouTube or Apple Podcasts and indulge in all that wisdom.

Special thanks to the Host, Laterras R. Whitfield for using his gift and resources to share such incredible and transformative wisdom. Allowing himself to walk in the purpose God has for him has allowed so many people to become and have hope that we can all reach and touch the love we desire and deserve.  

Later good people!



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