Adulting & Friendships I

   By  
Lynn Amanyire
   .   
  May. 23, 2022

Firstly, apologies! I have been MIA. Been adapting to the different changes in my life but I am back and ready to roll and eager to share some of the things I have been pondering on during my time away. One of them is friendships!

I love friendships, I mean who doesn’t?!

Everyone needs relationship or friendships in life. But I think with all the different changes that happen at the various stages or seasons in our lives, it becomes very obvious that not all our friends can transcend through it all with us.

The one thing makes me admire friendships so much is the thought that there is this person or couple of people who are always going to be there for you, see you grow, affect that growth positively, eat, live and thrive together and in turn, you get to do the same for them.


I have watched so many series and movies that portray female sisterhoods and as much as I absolutely love how it is portrayed, I always wonder if it’s common.

You know, a bond that does not break, women who know each other so well and are able to steer in the same direction of growth year after year. Let’s just say I am one of those girls who does not have a childhood friend.

We either grew apart or somehow lost touch. I do have friends from high school and University and there is a closeness with some and others, it’s just pleasantries from time to time.


When I watch some of these series or movies with best friends or best friend circles, they always make me question if I am close enough with my friends. Like if we were put in a room and asked questions about the other, how much would we actually know about each other, about our current lives? Now, I’m in no way insinuating friends must share everything but there has to be a balance.

There is a difference between oversharing which really is measured by the sharer’s “comfortability” to discuss certain things and the choice to not share anything at all. But at what point do we know that we are reaching either extremes?


What is a  great biblical example of genuine friendship?

The one that jumps at me is Jonathan and David. The Bible describes them as soul friends, what a strong term to articulate a friendship! Jonathan was a son to King Saul. He was next to the throne after Saul but herein comes David, the young son of Jesse that God chooses to be the next king of Israel after rejecting Saul(due to his disobedience).

David, after slaying Goliath comes and reports to Saul and Jonathan hearing his victory became very impressed with David and they forged a bond, a strong bond. The Bible says Jonathan became totally committed to David from then on and was his number one advocate. 1Samuel 18:1- 5.

And out of his deep love for him made a covenant and formalized it with gifts like his own royal robe, weapons, armour etc. Later on Jonathan helps David escape from his own father (King Saul) who sought to kill him because God had chosen him to be the next King of Israel. The story of their friendship ends with David deeply mourning and burying his dear friend Jonathan after he’d been slain in battle alongside Saul.

 
What does this story and some of my life experiences teach us? 

 

Friendships like all other relationships require commitment. This commitment to one another is what causes the bond to grow stronger year in year out. Commitment means there has to be a certain level of sacrifice when it comes to time and resources. Only one person wanting to spend time with the other does not make sense. Both parties have to be equally committed.

And of course resources, this includes money, social capital, knowledge, and genuine advice etc. With time I have realized that this saying that goes like me and her rarely talk but every time we meet there is something to talk about is not necessarily true. Yes, of course there will be something to talk about. But it will be shallow, not in-depth because you can’t squeeze half a year of your life into a 2-3 hour conversation no matter how much you try.

Image from Pinterest
Image from Pinterest

Admiration. The Bible says Jonathan hearing about David’s Victory over Goliath was impressed and developed an admiration for him. Yeah there is no way to sugar coat this, you either admire something about your friend(s) or you don't. Human beings are drawn to greatness.

This is why if you search for athletes(just as an example) on Instagram or other platforms, you’ll see that they have millions of followers. I’m not saying that your friend has to be an athlete but there has to be a pull effect you have towards them. Something that gives you the desire to be around them.

It could be their positive outlook on life, work ethic, financial discipline, wealth, kindness, spirituality, cooking skills, business savviness, and so much more. Bottom line is, it is not possible for us to be genuine friends with people we have zero admiration for. Well at least from my experience. Honestly, I don’t want to find out what it’s like to be friends with someone I don’t admire so let’s not assume I am interested in the other side of this equation.


Your friends open doors for you. Yeah! This is why this phrase is so common, “I have friends in high places.” Jonathan made David, a young shepherd boy feel at home in a palace not just with words but with actions. He gave him access to royal robes, armour, sword, belt and a bow. He did not just make him feel at home, he gave him something he didn’t have. He helped him become what God had called him to be, Royalty. All these things turned him into the soldier and leader Israel needed.

So my question for you my reader is do you know who your friends have been called to become?  How are you helping them get there? Have you made it clear to them what your direction in life is? Have they given you access to “royal robes, swords and bows?"

Now you might think to yourself, oh of course Jonathan had something to offer David, he was a prince! But let’s face it, individually we interchange the roles of David and Jonathan every day in our friendships or relationships and our mantle is to recognize where we can pitch in and actually help those we hold dear to us become!

As we ponder on this, let's stop here for now. Continuation loading...Share your thoughts on how genuine friendships look like to you down below😊 

Have a beautiful week!

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