Hey you, I know it's been a while. Sorry I have been M.I.A here but I am back!
I got inspired. This past Saturday, a friend of mine asked me something really interesting and worth a discussion. “How do you do the single life? Teach me.” I was happy to share with her what has worked for me. Getting to the point where I truly enjoy singleness took a bit of time. But here we are and I think there are more ladies who might want to get some tips on this.
It can be quite interesting to readjust to a single life when you had planned to be with someone for the long haul(Try for forever). I am going to assume that you my reader are intentionally dating or at least have been. If you don’t know what intentional dating/courtship means, it is just simply getting to know someone romantically with the intention of getting married. If this is not what you are doing or have been doing in the past, you might want to rethink why you are dating in the first place.
Okay so how do you do the single life? The Christian way of course. I personally don’t think there is any other route that is better than God’s. So here is some of the things I shared with her;
Well number one is Cultivate your relationship with God. One of the most amazing things about God is that how He reveals to you your imperfections so gently. Never in a condemning way but convicting. A lot of times, we completely oversee the part we played in the relationship going wrong. When things don’t work out, we are quick to say things like, “he didn’t deserve me, he was so selfish, he was not the right one" and so many others.
These might be true but we forget to ask ourselves this question, 'What about me? What did I do? What even attracted me to this person and if I realized there was no future, why did I stay longer?” It is easier to point out the speck in the other person’s eye while you completely forget the log in yours.
This is why your relationship with God is so important. It can not be always about asking Him for blessings. This relationship is supposed to keep us accountable. So be honest with God and ask the hard questions. You could find the problem was you. Yes, you! And when you realize this, do not beat yourself about it. We are all flawed.
Unlearn the bad habits or better yet dig deep and ask yourself why you behaved the way you did. Was it insecurity or fear of being alone? If so, where does it come from? What causes it? How can you better your life and not have to feel that way again or at least have a check for when those feelings come up again.
Your single season is the best time for you to seek God and understand your assignment and then serve. You may not have the same ample time in the future when God actually blesses you with a family of your own and you have a ton of responsibilities.
And believe me, if He has given you the desire for marriage, He will fulfil it. Also, do not misunderstand me, getting a family does not mean putting God on the back burner. I am just saying you will have to double your effort to convene with God.
So, how do you set aside time for God? Dedicate the first hour when you wake up to God. It is much easier this way because once you start your day, there is a high possibility there will be a lot of distractions. Believe me you won’t have an hour to yourself especially if you have a 9-5 or you have a business to run or you have classes to attend once your day starts.
Wake up, wash your face if possible, brush your teeth and get into prayer. Washing your face helps you to wake up fully. Play some worship music. By now as a Christian, you should already have a few songs on your playlist that you know will get you to Heaven’s gates. Play them and start praying. Talk to God and read your Bible. You daily devotions are important.
Also, choose a book in the Bible that you can read daily before bedtime. I have been reading Psalms. One of my new favorite scriptures is Psalm 4:8 ‘In peace, I will lie down and sleep. For you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety.’ How amazing is it that God is concerned about our state when we sleep! Discipline is the only thing that will get you through this.
Eventually you will start to notice the difference between days when you first dedicate yourself to the Lord and days when you don’t. You can tell within yourself that something's off.
Secondly, find a bible study group where you can be a regular and show up for the prayer and study meetings virtually or physically. It is important that you have a community that supports your spiritual growth. If you have a church already, it should be easy for you to find a community of Christians that you can join and pray with.
If you don’t, please do your research before your join any group. We have some interesting groups out here with poor doctrine. You don’t want to end up down that road, believe me. Community keeps you accountable and constantly checks on you. ‘Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them.’ Matthew 18:20. Your prayers are more powered in community.
So, join a Bible study group and stay in it. Do not forget to serve others. In all you do, remember you are a representation of Christ. Allow Him to mold you into who He has purposed you to be.
Self-Care: You can’t pour out of an empty cup. And an empty cup is exactly what you will be if you don’t take great care of yourself. This can be through work outs, eating healthy, a hygiene regiment, name it. If you feel you want to lose some weight then do it. Do not procrastinate. Start small and then build up your strength. You can even begin by walking for 15 minutes or skipping a rope. Work outs are not only for people who want to lose weight. Breaking a sweat is healthy for your heart and your entire body. It does not matter how you start, you just have to START.
Interest yourself in a skin care routine, learn new ways to style your hair, learn new skills like baking, or culinary art, join a sports club. Anything that interests you. Now is your time to do that. Clean out your closet, if there is any piece of clothing in there that you don’t feel great in, donate it. Do not donate torn cloths, make sure everything you decide to give out is in great condition.
Hygiene: Ensure your place is clean all the time and work on redecorating if you want a fresh look. Get some plants or flowers if you like. Water them and watch the grow. They help a lot with refreshing environments. If you are like my beautiful mother and you love flowers, buy yourself some flowers every week and get a vase for your bedroom or Livingroom. What is the point here? Cluttered environments are fertile ground for cluttered mind spaces. Beautiful and clean spaces inspire great and beautiful thoughts.
Read books on everything; Your faith, work and passions. Reading improves your vocabulary and boosts eloquence. It is also a great source of wisdom. Books can help with your professional work, they can help with your spiritual life and they can inspire creativity. If you love cooking, recipe books will be great for your hobby. Build your knowlegde base. A wise person once said, 'You don't know what you don't know.' Yeah, it is probably in a book you have not read yet.
Reading can be a great source of business ideas and strategies to run your existing businesses efficiently. Is there something you want to learn about, anything at all? It is probably already in a book. Scour the internet and find your match.
Surely you can spend less time scrolling through Instagram and TikTok and dedicate an hour to reading every day. Your life will change tremendously. Recommendation: The Esther Anointing by Michelle McClain-Walters. Audio books are a great tool too. Try apps like Scrib’d or Audible.
TO BE CONTINUED...