Oh, this is so exciting for me to write that I feel like I don’t know where exactly to start. Let’s start with defining Femininity. These are qualities or attributes or behaviors regarded as characteristic of women. Femininity is something that I was introduced to just last year during lockdown, I mean the entirety of it. There is a YouTube channel that I’m subscribed to called A Feminine Impression by Dr. Michelle (please check her out, she is amazing) where she talks about All things femininity from style, attitude, Godliness, manners, finding your true self to mention but a few. She has a doctorate in Psychology and is a great Mentor. Initially, I thought femininity was more inclined to soft feminine style and if you know me personally, you know that personal style and grooming are things that I am very passionate about.
Growing up, I watched the women in my life a lot and I tried to emulate their style, hygiene and manners. I remember how my grandmother would take her time to get ready for Sunday service or even just getting ready to go anywhere. My grandpa would start preparing her mentally for events or functions a day or two before to ensure she knows they have to leave together. I’m not saying being late is a good thing but to a little girl, it showed me that a lady does not just walk out of the house unkempt and unprepared. Her bag would always have Vaseline or Revlon lotion, a handkerchief, a scarf, some medicine (just in case she or anyone around needed it) and so many other small things that I too carry now. Her hair was always neat and short and if it grew out, she would personally give herself a haircut (she is a super woman, my Abwooli) and very moisturized with none other than Morgan’s hair pomade( it smelled good). Her clothes were always ironed and she often wore matching sets and added perfume to finish the look. Long story short, everything I am today, my obsession with lip balm, the effort I put in my physical look, that’s mostly because of her and mom. I plan to pass it on to my children and children’s children. I also hope that this is something my peers and ladies who are younger than me pick up from me. Why am I going the physical appearance route first? Well it’s the first identifier of a female. Notice I have said first identifier and not the only identifier of a female. When God created Eve, Adam named her woman, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, a man with a womb which brings me to think that he might have noticed the physical differences about her first.
I believe that women are some of the most beautiful creatures to ever walk this earth. You might say duh, we know but really, do you?! Let’s go a bit more physical, as a lady, you should be groomed- by this, I mean you should not have forests of hair on parts of your body where they should not be (hehehe as I write this, I’m still trying to figure out when I can go wax my underarms- its not pretty), you should always make an effort to wear clean and ironed clothes, you should have a personal style, your nails should be clean whether they are long or short, your body should moisturized and soft from head to toe, if it’s not, please make an effort to. Your feet should not be cracked and it does not really matter if you earn UGX 50,000 a month or UGX 50,000,000, you should have at least one self-care day in a month where you get to do all the above and or more.
Oh and before I forget, smiling is part of the physical. I’m sure you have heard the saying, ”Happy girls are the prettiest girls."
Yes, I have said what I have said and it goes to all women even the busiest wives who have 2 jobs and toddlers or have to make ends meet. Take good care of your Temple please!
Whether you are going through hard times, please gather the strength to always SMILE, listen to I Smile Kirk Franklin, you’ll get the picture.
I don’t want you thinking that femininity is only about the physical. That couldn’t be further from the truth. A lot of girls have this misconception that if you are beautiful and physically attractive, you don’t have to be nice or well mannered. This unfortunately is something that gets in the way of so many women’s success and advancement. Even if you are someone who does not consider themselves to be attractive, having good manners and being kind makes you beautiful and “compensates for whatever it is you think you are lacking” as Dr. Michelle plainly states it. Notice how she said “whatever it is you think you are lacking”? that’s because 90% of the time, we psych ourselves into believing things that are absolutely false about us. Psalm 139:14 confirms it. Let me say this one time for the people in the back, GOOD MANNERS ARE ATTRACTIVE!!
When it comes to manners, everything matters, respect others regardless of who they are, make every effort to be kind always(even when you are mad, yes that’s a side note for me too hehehe ask yourself What would Jesus do? L.O.L sounds unserious but trust me I am serious!), treat others the way you’d want to be treated.
For this to happen, you must learn to love and treat yourself well first so you know how others would want to be treated. Say thank you and please. I don’t think there is anything more pleasant than a grateful person, woman or not! Be polite and smile even when you know the waiter serving you is doing his job or the random guy on the elevator holds the door for you so you can hop on. Be humble and be grateful.
These people who help you are really not obliged to so when they do, acknowledge it. That house-help in your home, say thank you after every dinner. It’s her job yes, but acknowledge it. I think you are getting the vibe of gratitude and politeness I’m going for. Make eye contact when you speak to people, look interested. Sometimes looking away may seem dismissive depending on the situation. Try to remember people’s names( and if you don't , its okay. ask again) and small details about them because it lets them know that you genuinely care. Don’t slurp when you drink or smack your mouth while you eat. Your chewing should not involve any sounds from your mouth. I may seem like I’m attacking you as the reader but trust me some of these things felt like attacks when I first heard them but we have to be very teachable if we are going to get better or one of my favorite words, evolve. Time Management! Hmmmm!! Mom says this is something my future husband and I will fight about. I lowkey hope not and pray that he is especially very patient with me. I am working on this and if you are like me, adopt waking up early and stop lying about your whereabouts when you are late. Inform the person you are meeting that you are running late whether its work related or casual.
Another aspect of femininity that I am personally working on is Emotional Maturity. The art of staying calm when you are stressed, stretched furious, and high key hungry.