I have procrastinated a lot with this post but better late than never, right? This is one of the things that I made a habit of in 2022 and I am still grateful for;
The Dear Future Wifey Podcast. So just a small back story. Towards the end of 2021, I discovered one of the most amazing podcasts which has become a staple in my life. The Dear Future Wifey Podcast is hosted by Laterras R. Whitfield who gets to interview so many individuals who are in line with the purpose of this particular podcast.
What is the purpose of DFWP you might ask…to Journey with Him (Laterras R. Whitfield) as he discovers, uncovers, and recovers love. He is a Godly man whose work thrives on being L.I.T (Living Intentionally and Transparently) a mantra he individually lives by even when it is insanely difficult and also inspires others to do the same.
Through the DFWP, I have learnt so much so of which I am going to share but I am also going to encourage you to head on to YouTube and subscribe to his channel here . It will change your life, your marriage, relationship and your entire perspective on love whether you are a man or woman, young or old, single or married name it.
Obviously from the title of the podcast, Laterras provides a learning environment which in so many ways for me and for others has set some new standards in love and how we should operate in relationships as a Godly people. So, without further ado here is some of the great things I have learnt from the DFWP in no particular order mixed with personal thoughts;
It is very important to have a spiritual covering. I can’t tell you how much my mind has shifted from a “me and Jesus mindset” to “you have to do salvation with others”. And I guess that’s the thing we tend to miss or ignore as individuals, journeys are better when we have people who walk beside us, in front of us and behind us.
We need people beside us to encourage us on the journey – iron sharpens iron especially when those around you have the same belief system and can hold you accountable to your goals. We need people to walk in from of us mainly because of guidance and the church which I call home (Worship Harvest), we believe it takes you a much shorter time to figure anything out or progress at it when you have an individual who has walked the journey before.
We need people walking behind us because that’s how we give back to the next generation and not only that but we also get to learn from them. Learning never stops. There is nothing new under the sun so for everything that we want to do or achieve, someone else has done it before and it becomes much easier to just copy and paste or even add a few modifications here and there if need be.
So, what is Spiritual Covering? This is usually someone(s) who leads the church you go to or a smaller Christian group within the church that you belong, name it. These people have been placed in a position of leadership in our lives by God and by those in charge because they have something to offer in terms of service to a people and believe it or not God speaks to them about us. Have you ever received a call or a text from someone close to you that read “I felt led to pray for you this morning, whatever it is that is bothering you, it will be okay!” or something along those lines? That is what a covering looks like.
The interesting thing with a spiritual covering is that you also have to be in a submitted position to that person so that when they guide in regards to any sort of issue, you are able to heed instruction. At the end of the day, it does not make sense to be submitted to a person you won’t obey. Jeremiah 23:4 says “I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing," declares the LORD.
In most cases, God speaks and instructs us through those you have gone before us; our leaders and shepherds. A wise man I know usually says a lot of people are going to be surprised when they get to heaven and realize there is order, hierarchy. Thinking to yourself that you’re un-instructible is very prideful and that will lead to destruction. At the end of the day, having someone over you in the Spirit is very beneficial to you mostly not the person guiding you.
Obedience is God’s love language
The Bible is very clear that the relationship between a man and a woman under marital covenant is an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the Church. But before we take the romantic route, think of all the people in our lives that taken a step of faith and obeyed the call of God in their lives.
Their work/ ministry which is in tandem with their life purpose has impacted so many lives and has brought others to the knowledge and love of Christ and not just that but they have been given an opportunity and second chance in life to do better at different things be it work, marriage, business, parenting name it.
The Dear Future Wifey Podcast has impacted in me in ways I can’t describe. Because of Laterras’ obedience to the call of God to start that podcast a lot of us who watch or tune in every week have witnessed what unconditional love looks like (The Griffins), what being a husband really looks like (David Burruss), the struggle and beauty in the wait (Essence Atkins), Dealing with loss in marriage (Falon Bonner), Humour (Whiti) and the fastness and speed with which God brings people together from the Miracle of Love episode with the Alfords. Honestly, the episodes I have mentioned are just a drop in the ocean compared to the massive wisdom and knowledge that is shared on that platform.
Interestingly, every week when I receive notification of a new episode (In Uganda, it airs Thursday morning because we’re hours ahead), I always go to the IG pages of the guests because I want to get to know them a little bit. Proof that this individual is just a regular person like me who has had some challenges but at the end of it all experienced incredible victory. I love that this podcast is faith based.
I did not know that it was possible for God to endorse a relationship between two people, everything that culture says is not possible is clearly possible in the Kingdom the more you watch or tune in to this podcast. It has raised my standards, heck it has let me know what kind of standards I should have. It has also taught me to be a wife before I become someone’s wife (That BLESSED Man!😍).
The podcast has over 250k Subscribers and is still growing, now imagine how many people God is able to reach and show living testimony to because of the obedience of one man. You too can reach out for that goal or passion that you think people might not really care about first, something that might need a little more vulnerability than usual, your testimony, share the Good News of Christ and your faith and see how God uses that little seed of obedience to transform people’s lives.
In my church, we have a saying, “if it is raining in the village, it is definitely raining in your compound!”. Now someone might say duh of course, that is quite obvious but we tend to forget and minimize what God is doing in other people’s lives to be just a testimony for them and not an example of what is possible for us all. Every time I watch an episode and I love what is said or I see a character of either a man or woman portrayed/displayed in the guests who are hosted, I note it down to remind me of what God has done and can repeat in my life.
In fact, greater works than those because as believers, we go from glory to glory, strength to strength. AGAIN, this is because Laterras heeded the instruction to start the podcast.
Communication is the air of every relationship
By now if you have experienced any form of relationship which I know you have, you know that communication is what opens the door to intimacy. For our relationship with God, it is prayer and studying the Word. You can’t really say you have a relationship with God if any of these is missing in your daily routine/lifestyle.
A person who does not pray is a very prideful human being. In their mind, they depend on no one, not even God. Likewise in romantic relationships, communication helps us understand each other better and helps us share our desires, goals, expectations and how we view the future. From the podcast, I have realized that in most cases because we have experienced different things growing up, words can be released to mean one thing and the way the other person internalizes them is completely different.
A relationship with God and others in our close circles helps us to identify triggers we have collected from past scars and wounds that cause us to receive communication in distorted ways at times. For example, your partner might point out an issue they are not happy with and in your mind, you feel attacked.
Their intention is not to attack you at all but rather address a behavior or action that has hurt them. Without these other relationships in our lives, it becomes hard for us as individuals to be self-aware and ask ourselves fundamental questions when these triggers come up. Questions like why am I feeling this way? Does my partner do this to intentionally hurt me? What can I do to improve the current situation? Where am I being misunderstood? How can I effect change?
The podcast has also helped me realize that the better your relationship with God is, the easier communication becomes for you. Don’t ask me to explain this, I might fumble over my words. The simple answer is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has a way of tongue tying us when we are about to say something dumb and hurtful towards others but He also convicts us when our triggers try to help us interpret the communication we are receiving.
The Holy Spirit will also tell you if the person ain’t it very quickly or has not so very good intentions. The only reason we can’t hear Him is because we are way too excited about the possibility of a relationship with this person and we idolize it over the Father. God can never give His child a blessing that will drive a wedge in their relationship. He makes us wait until we are ready.
Godly people bear fruit – it is evident!
Women love potential, men go by what they see. I remember hearing someone say that once and I just asked myself why we do that. Let me explain, most women (because we are such dreamers) tend to see people for who they could be which is an impeccable strength but is also one of our biggest downfalls because we assume that we are the ones to help these individuals get to a desired place.
Now like I said this can be a strength because it helps women be the natural nurturers that we are especially for our children or professionally, if we are in spaces where we are helping people in therapy among others. However, when it comes to partners, there are unfortunate situations where we “export” this strength to where it is not supposed to be. The DFWP has taught me to believe people by who they show me they are NOT who they could possibly become. I am NOT the junior Holy Spirit who is supposed to effect change in people. I can sow a seed but fundamentally, it is the work of the Holy Spirit to effect change.
Also, people only change because they want to! So back to the fruit, the Bible in Matthew 7:16 says you will know them by their fruits. Let’s go a little deeper than the surface; what fruits is this scripture talking about? I believe it is referring to the fruits of the Holy Spirit displayed in Galatians 5:22 which says; “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” This applies to every aspect of our lives especially when it comes to choosing the person you want to spend the rest of your life (marriage – with the goal of glorifying God).
Are they kind to everyone and not just those from whom they expect something, are they faithful with their finances, do they display goodness- do they pay their workers on time ? Are they peaceful or just wreak havoc and chaos where ever they go? On the podcast, the word intentional is used a lot and I think we owe it to ourselves as believers to be very intentional with the choices we make. But no just focusing all our energy on who the other person is but also ensuring that we too are becoming the people we desire to be with. What do I mean by this? Do not desire a kind man when you find it so hard to exercise kindness towards others. Do not desire a faithful woman when you can’t keep your zip up for a lack of better words. Do not desire a peaceful man when you are more concerned with being right in an argument rather than keeping the peace!
SNACK TIME! During Season 21 (21 days of prayer and fasting) at my Church, we had the privilege of receiving from a man of God called Ps. Nuel Manufor. I remember it like it was yesterday. That man said things that made me want to just scream with excitement but also frustration – because why did I never see this scripture that way. He taught from Romans 8:28-29. A scripture we tend to take out of context A LOT!!
“28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”
Most of us stop at all things work together for our good. You know you are doing something God would not endorse and you are being burned in the process but “all things are working for your good?” No, let me help you understand what I understood from his teaching, ALL THINGS WORK FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED… Who are the called? Those who accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. It goes on to say ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE- These are the people who have accepted to move in the direction of the purpose. Whatever purpose this is, it all leads to seeking and saving the lost because that’s what Jesus came on the earth to do.
So, we may not all be on the pulpit preaching but we are CHURCH in the market place, in our homes, in our communities, in the government etc. We are all part of the body of Christ. Christ is the head- He is the VISIONARY of the church. The Body does what the HEAD tells it to do. So whether I am a leg, and you are the stomach and some other people are the legs, we are all supposed to be working towards the same VISION. Which is to bring the world to the knowledge and saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and making disciples of all the nations which is what we were commanded to do.
Pastor Nuel paused a question during the teaching and I am paraphrasing, “Why is it that God can speak to us and tell us to do something or even be with someone and then it does not work?” Ohhh😀 I felt tickled when He said this because I can’t tell how many stories I have heard of people both men and female who have gone and told someone something like this,” God told me you are my husband/wife.” Now I’m sure you can sense the sarcasm in my tone which yeah, it is there a little bit but that does not dispute the fact that there are actually couples that God has brought together and they are happily married to this day.
However, also the opposite does exist and it is in two categories; those who have actually heard from God and those who use God’s name in vain without actually inquiring of Him and proving that what they are hearing is not just their own voice or the desire to be with a particular person. Let’s talk about the batch that actually hear from God and yet end up in failed relationships.
Pastor Nuel drew our attention to verse 29 of Romans 8 which partly says “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.” In other words, God predestined us to be conformed to the image of His son Jesus Christ in EVERYTHING WE DO including relationships which means if God plans for A to be with B, the plan God has for them is for them to conform daily to the image of His Son (be more and more like Jesus) so that the promise in Verse 28 might be fulfilled – everything working out for their Good.
So he said, the reason such relationships don’t work is because either one or both individuals get to a point and STOP conforming to the image of Christ. What does conforming to the image of Christ look like- the question that has become such a joke to most of us – WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? I know someone is going to jump up with the random thought of Jesus whipped people who had turned the temple into a market and flipped tables. Please be wise friend.
To be Continued.....